Options for Women Staying in Violent Relationship:
Many factors influence the decision to leave the violent environment or to remain in the relationship. The following information will be useful if you have chosen to remain in the violent home.
1. Try not to let yourself be trapped in the kitchen (too many potential weapons) or the bathroom (no place to dodge blows and many hard surfaces to be knocked against). Stay out of rooms with guns or other weapons - do not threaten him with any weapon, as it could easily be turned on you.
2. Encourage your children to find activities outside the house, thus providing them with alternative models of behavior.
3. Begin to take care of yourself. Pay attention to your health.
4. Become less isolated. Find out what is available to you. Check out adult education classes, church classes and special events sponsored by local organizations. Get involved outside the home and increase your communication skills. Become a volunteer.
5. Find out about community resources. Who is available to help you in a time of crisis? How do you go about getting their help?
6. If you love your mate, express it often and openly, make it known that it is the beating you hate and not the person.
7. Try to communicate with your mate. Start talking about issues; share your feelings, hopes and goals.
8. Seek your mate's cooperation in obtaining help for your relationship. If no cooperation is possible, find out what is available to you: counseling, support groups, advocacy, etc.
Try to determine any patterns existing in the violence: when does it occur, what tends to set it off, and is there any way you can see to avoid the situations which are potentially violent.
Safe Plans
1. Pack an extra set of clothes for yourself and your children. Store the suitcase with a friend or neighbor. Make an extra set of keys to the house and cars and keep them with your suitcase.
2. Have extra cash, checkbook, or savings account book hidden or with a friend. Items such as birth certificates, social security cards, voter registration, marriage and/or a driver's license may be required for documentation in order to enroll the children in school or to obtain financial assistance. Also, keep your medical records where they are accessible.
3. Pack something special or meaningful for each child, such as a favorite toy, doll or book.
4. Hide or copy important financial records such as rent receipts and the title to the car.
5. Know exactly where you could go and how to get there, even if the battering should occur in the middle of the night. Know your escape routes and places that are safe. Keep phone numbers for the police, friends, and Safe Harbor close by.
Leaving
1. Make plans for handling the next violent incident:
a) Keep money saved to use when you have to leave. Even a phone call from a pay phone costs money. You can either dial 0 or 911 for an emergency, these numbers are free.
b) Have an extra set of keys made to the house and the car. Hide them in a safe place.
c) Pack a suitcase for yourself and your children, including clothing and personal items for several days. Store it with a friend or relative away from home.
d) Write down and put in a secure place the numbers of emergency agencies. Even if you memorize them you may forget them in times of crisis.
2. Learn about your family's financial arrangements. In whose name are the house and car registered? What kind of bank accounts do you have and where are they?
3. Where are the important papers (birth certificates, marriage license, identification cards, and credit cards) kept in the home? If you do not have them find out where you can get copies. Know all family members' social security numbers.
4. Do you have a family health insurance policy? Write down the policy number and the name of the insurance company.
5. Alert a neighbor to your problem, ask that person to call the police if they feel you are in danger and are unable to call for yourself. Come up with a signal for them to know that you are in danger. For example, put a certain curtain between the window and shade.
a) If you are in danger, CALL THE POLICE, or get out of the house and call from a friend or neighbor's house. Your safety is your primary concern.
b) If you are hurt, get medical attention.
c) Ask police to protect you by helping you get to a hospital, friend, relative or a public agency that can provide you with assistance in time of crisis.
d) Take keys to the car and house.
e) Take copies of important documents, your wallet, some money and any medication/prescriptions for you and your children.
f) Do not destroy evidence of the assault. Save torn or bloody clothing.
g) Have a friend take a picture of your injuries and sign and date the photograph.
National Domestic Violence Hotline:
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
1-800-787-3224 (TDD)
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