This hashtag began as an online Twitter response by survivors of intimate partner violence responding to a variety of very victim-blaming comments directed at the wife of a well-known football player. This following the release of a video showing this man hitting her so hard he knocked her unconscious. The woman later married the man, and as people questioned why she would do such a thing, other survivors spoke up in support and to offer explanations about why it is just not that easy.

Perpetrators use a variety of dynamics to keep their partners trapped in abusive relationships. Some of these things include, but are not limited to:

  • The batterer has threatened the victim’s life—A batterer is most likely to murder their partner when they leave an abusive relationship
  • Batterers will find and stalk their partner–Research shows that most individuals (87% of the US population) have characteristics that likely make them unique based only on 5-digit, gender, and date of birth
  • The batterer has limited the financial resources of their partner to the point where they and their children are dependent on them for survival
  • The batterer has used their partner’s belief system or customs as a means to assert their power and position of authority
  • Batterer isolates victim—support systems taken away
  • The batterer has threatened to hurt the children, remove them from their mother’s care, or otherwise limit the ability of the victim to protect them
  • The perpetrator has limited the victim’s access to alternative housing through economic or social resources
  • The perpetrator has limited the victim’s access to educational resources
  • The perpetrator has coerced the victim into believing that they do not deserve better—that they have created the situation or caused the abuse
  • Guilt about failure of marriage or relationship on the part of the survivor
  • Belief by the survivor that the batterer will change, and that they can do something to change them

Click here to see direct stories on Twitter

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