By Nyomi Guzman, Former Prevention and Inclusion Specialist
It’s likely that you’ve been told ghosting someone is a bad thing to do, and that it says something about your character if you stop responding to someone. But what about when you need to not talk to someone for your own safety or well-being? Contrary to popular belief, there are times when it is okay to ghost others.
1. If they’re harassing you
Have you already told them you’re not interested and they are begging you to hang out or come over? Chances are this isn’t about you at all. If you’ve let the person know you are not interested and they won’t stop trying to talk to you, ghosting them is okay. It’s healthy to reinforce your boundaries in this way when someone is clearly not listening.
2. If they make you feel afraid or uneasy
Threats can come in a variety of forms. They can be a threat to your wellbeing, your loved ones, or even a threat to self-harm if a person doesn’t get what they want. It could also be a quiet feeling that something isn’t right about the surrounding environment or that someone is unsafe. Trust your gut. It doesn’t matter what the reason for creating distance is if a person puts your personal safety at risk and/or has proven to be manipulative or disingenuous. You don’t need any other reason to end the conversation or relationship.
3. If they insult you or put you down
Ever have an experience where someone is telling you how great you are, and as soon as you don’t give them what they want (a chance, a date, sex, etc.) their behavior and tone changes? Maybe they’re telling you that you’re not as beautiful, smart or great as you think you are? Responding to gas-lighting will only leave you exhausted, upset, and dehumanized. If someone resorts to insults to get you to pay attention to them, chances are they do not respect you and are trying to manipulate you into doing what they want. This can be very dangerous and it is best to avoid them.
4. If they’ve sexually assaulted you
Nearly 70% of sexual assaults that happen are perpetrated by an abuser you know or trust. If you are sexually assaulted, it is likely that your abuser has a way to contact you. It is even possible that they might try to pass the assault off as consensual with a text like, “last night was fun, we should do it again.” This can be traumatizing and confusing for survivors. Feel free to block your abuser, and to not respond in any way to them trying to control the narrative if it doesn’t benefit you. You deserve respect and do not owe anything to the person who has abused you.
Guiding Questions:
Have you ever ghosted or been ghosted by someone in your life? What are your thoughts on ways to effectively end toxic relationships?
